In today’s world, online dating has become much more socially acceptable than it was when it first began. What used to scream desperation has now become common occupation. Though many people still avoid the dating websites, they generally feel that if they meet someone through a social networking website, it is a little bit more acceptable. Of course most of these attempts happen late at night when people are either drunk, lonely, or both leading to their attempts being more sappy, pathetic, and filled with grammatical errors. The fact is, most men seem to have no idea what they are doing when it comes to attracting a girl via world wide web, especially when all they have to rely on is text and a few pictures in most cases. Do you ever wonder why the e-mails that you sent to every woman who lives within a 20-mile radius remain unanswered? Here is some advice for you:


Send a message: If you are merely sending a friend request, unless I’m Tila Tequila and desperate for people to love me because I lack any talent and/or real friends, I am not going to give you a second glance…even if you are incredibly good looking. Most women have enough friends and have a hard time keeping up with the ones we already have in real life. Unless we know you, or you bring something to the table, there is no reason for us to waste our time.

When sending a message, say something interesting: Say something interesting and give me a reason to respond. Maybe read what I have to say, find out what my interests are, and play on it. Most women would rather be complemented on our personalities than looks, because looks can fade, but our personalities are what make us who we are. Telling me that I am attractive really doesn’t contribute anything to who you are, who I am, or why you think you have a chance with me. All it does is raise my ego and make me realize I am probably way out of your league. Messages that are typically sent range anywhere from “Hey sexy, how you doin?” to “LOVEEEEEE U PICCCS U LOCK SOOOOOO HOOOOOOTTTTTTT IN RED AND I WOOD LOVE TO GET TO KNOW UUUUUU! LOVE U PICS U SO FANYYYYYYYYY BE NICE HIT ME BACK!” What is my reaction when I receive a message like this? *DELETE* Actually in the second case I make fun of them with my friends and then delete.

Be grammatically correct: No intelligent woman wants to be with someone who is nearly illiterate (please see above). Do a spell check and a quick re-read before hitting send. If you are above the age of 10, unless under special circumstances such as having a learning disability and/or speaking English as a second language, you should know the difference between “would” and “wood.”

Photo Ops

Put a picture up: If a guy contacts us and we don’t know what he looks like, we are not going to talk to him. He may be a self-proclaimed GQ model, but to us this just means he is fat, old, and possibly a sexual predator. No picture = no response or even glance. Even if you are no Christiano Ronaldo, put a picture up so we at least click on your profile and see if you are worth talking to.

Don’t put a picture up from 10 years ago: If you are 28, don’t put up a picture with a caption that says “When I was 18? on it. We don’t care what you looked like when you were 18, unless you are trying to put across the message that you peaked in High School. So what if you’ve gained a few extra pounds, lost some hair, and your chest resembles that of Sasquatch rather than Usher? You should be confident in who you are. Confidence is more attractive than tickets to the gun show.

Don’t post pictures from your personal bathroom photo shoot: Why do guys love taking pictures of themselves posing in the mirror half naked, or posting professional shots that some other idiot took for them? This doesn’t say anything more than “Look at me, I am hot and I have no personality, therefore nothing to offer,” or in Layman’s terms, “I am an insecure douche.” This does not make you look sexy, this does not make you look interesting, this makes you look like a tool bag that can bring nothing to the table except vanity and neediness. Remember my friend, superficiality attracts superficiality, so if you want a dense girl who also only has looks to offer, than this is the way to go. I look forward to my children outshining yours in everything from sports to their future professions.


ENOUGH with the Playboy Bunnies in the background: Decor can say a lot about a person. If you walked into a woman’s house and saw nice calm colors, maybe a few pictures up of some friends and family, it would make you feel that this is the type of person you could be comfortable around. If you walk into a woman’s house and you only see half-naked posters of David Beckham, Brad Pitt, and Matthew McConaughey covering the walls, you would probably get a little uncomfortable, and possibly think she was a little bit weird and/or creepy. Well it goes both ways, so usually it is better to stick with class rather than trash. This also goes with what is written…please tone down on the expletives. You’re trying to market yourself, not a Spike Lee movie.

Don’t be a Minimalist: There are hundreds of millions of people on Myspace. What makes you think you are so special? The term less is more doesn’t necessarily work in this case…although first impressions will be based on a picture, unless we see something that stands out in your profile, we probably won’t talk to you. There are just too many people out there, and way too many guys sending messages to waste more than 35 seconds on any given one, UNLESS something can peak our interest. I mean again, there are the Tila Tequila or Forbidden befriending whores, who befriend anyone that has access to a computer to raise their numbers. The only thing you will get out of this are glitter-filled picture comments on your page every holiday, but if you are trying to strike up more than a digital glitter-bang every couple of months, say something interesting.

Be Yourself: One major flaw people don’t realize in expression is that being yourself is the most important thing, the good, bad, and ugly. So you didn’t go to college, so you have a kid, so you should legally change your name to God-boy, so you like Coldplay… None of these things are bad or things you should be ashamed of at all. These things are things that make you uniquely you and to hide them would be a terrible waste. If someone doesn’t like a certain factor about you, you can weed them out from the beginning rather than wasting time and energy on false hope. Who knows, maybe because of these factors you might find someone you actually have something in common with.

Final Piece of Advice

Ask Yourself “What’s the Worst That Could Happen?”: If you are looking for a date, girlfriend, or just a one night stand, how are you going to attain any of these unless you try? It never hurts to ask, and it never hurts to try…because the worst that’s going to happen is the girl makes fun of you for a few minutes or you are completely ignored. What’s the best that could happen? You establish a legitimate connection. There are many fish in the digital sea, and if you cast your line enough and are patient, one will bite.

Originally published on PureStyle Magazine