Ok, so even as a woman, I know all girls have the occasional moment that justifies the guy in her life mumbling, “This bitch is crazy!” Any action between making a guy give her a piggyback ride twenty blocks because her feet hurt and egging his car after a fight can leave men wondering if women truly are from Venus and if Mars could possibly be a mysterious paradise filled with beer and basketball playoffs. The battle of the sexes continues to rage over our differences, but normally the two worlds can compromise enough to reach a state of confused cohabitation. Then again, some conflicts cannot be resolved despite the desperate attempts of men to negotiate with the fairer sex. In cases like these, it is usually because these girls are not just being girls, but are out of their minds and should be dumped before the unsuspecting suitor’s body is ditched in a dumpster. To avoid becoming another victim of dating catastrophes, here are some signs that the girl you’re seeing is legitimately bonkers and not just “acting like a girl”:
The Green Eyed Monster
It’s totally cool to be out with a girl and still have other chicks give you the up- down glance. If anything, the girl you’re with should be complimented that she’s out with a guy so insanely attractive that other women cannot resist the urge to check out his butt when they walk by. Unfortunately, most girls don’t see it this way and choose to answer these looks with a frosty glare instead of an invitation for the girl to join you two for some drinks and “just see what happens.” On the occasion that the girl you’re with is actually nuts and not just being a girl, she’ll completely overact to the innocent eye grope by lashing out verbally – if not physically – on your female admirer. While she’s busy pulling out her competition’s hair, take the opportunity to run like hell in the other direction.
Clash of the Titans
The only thing worse than a having a date create drama with another girl is being forced into an awkward or threatening situation with a guy – especially one of her ex boyfriends. It must be a rule that every lunatic with a Louis Vuitton bag has at least one former flame who is roughly nine feet tall, weighs as much as your car and was employed as a professional wrestler/riot cop/assassin but got fired for his anger problems. Most girls will spare your life by avoiding the bars and dark alleys where he lurks/hangs out, and for this, you should be grateful. Crazy girls, on the other hand, keep a secret GPS in their brains so they know where he is and when he’s at his drunkest, deciding this is the best possible time to introduce the two of you.
There are few things in this world that boost a guy’s ego more than waking up after a night out and realizing that the girl he brought home is not only gorgeous, but totally into him. That being said, most guys would like to wake up to his fling making him some eggs and toast before heading on her merry way. It gets a little suspicious if she makes excuses for hanging out until lunch, runs errands with you during the afternoon, suggests dinner at her favorite place and finds her way back into your bed that night. If a girl shows no signs of understanding boundaries from the get-go, there’s absolutely no chance she’ll hold back if you let her stick around for a while. After a week of dating, phrases such as “you’d make a great dad,” “our future” and “ring size,” should be huge red flags that this girl has the dress picked out, the church reserved and now only needs a groom to drag to the altar.
Birds of a Feather
When you’re out with a girl for the first time, make a point to ask about her friends. Make her feel comfortable opening up about them and listen for any wild stories that hint at her clique being full of wacko women. If she tells tales of slutty and nutty behavior among her peers, she most likely has similar stories to tell of her own experience. There’s no way you found the only one of the bunch that isn’t nuts, so if all her friends sound completely insane, there’s a good chance she fits right in.
Look at MEEEE!
Every guy wants to date a girl who turns heads when she enters a room. It’s awesome to find a girl who grabs attention by being so beautiful, witty and interesting that she captivates any audience. What isn’t so awesome is realizing you’re dating a girl so insecure that she makes herself the center of attention, no matter what it takes. Crazy girls whore themselves for the spotlight by becoming drunk, loud, naked and stupid. Not only is this horribly embarrassing for her date, but there’s a good chance she will offend one or all of the people around her and expect him to deal with the repercussions. Girls who are severely unhinged can’t stand the idea of sharing the spotlight with anyone whether it is their birthday, wedding or 50th anniversary party. Life is a stage, but some people need the big hook to pull them off before they get the point.
Any guy who has ever had a girlfriend, sister, mother, female lab partner or pet cat can attest to the fact that women are subject to mood swings and men are not always given fair warning to run for cover. This shouldn’t be confused with the serious mental issues discussed in this article from which some women suffer. Every once in awhile you might have to grin and bare it while you remake the bed to her liking or pretend to agree that the girl winking at you at the bar was totally inappropriate. Other times a guy should realize that his date using her stiletto to punish a stranger for making eye contact is crossing the line. Once you learn to differentiate between the two, dating selection will become much easier and her quirky habits that annoy you won’t seem nearly as bad as they once did.